Tag Archives: Teenagers

From the Little Sister’s Point of View

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I have many memories of my childhood, but some of the most poignant are regarding my sister, Susan. We’re eight years apart in age, (she’s older) but our actual birthday’s are only one week apart. Yesterday, she had a ‘milestone,’ birthday. Whoo hoo!

We may both be Leos on the astrological charts, but we couldn’t be more different. We don’t look alike, and we certainly don’t think alike, and our personalities are very dissimilar.

While I’ve always tried to be a people-pleaser, my sister is outspoken and, when I was younger, most of the time I thought of her as a rebel. As kids, those rebel inclinations would sometimes get her in trouble with our mother, who was the main disciplinarian in our household. But in my eyes, they made Sue seem daring and exciting. She did things I would never dream of doing – of course, I was younger and couldn’t even imagine some of her exploits. A quick example: Late at night, Sue used to sneak out her bedroom window to go outside and meet with…boys! I’m not sure how Mom learned about those late-night visits, but once she did, she put the kibosh on them.

It’s not surprising that my sister would be attracting members of the opposite sex. With her long naturally blonde hair, aquamarine eyes, and an easy laugh she was a beauty. I used to watch her getting ready for dates and wishing I were old enough to go on dates too.

And sometimes I did get to go on dates. I think our Mom thought if she sent me along on Sue’s dates, I was a quasi chaperone – even at age seven. Of course, back in those days, the movies didn’t have a rating system, and there were drive-ins where the price was set by the carload, so another person in the car didn’t cost the boy any extra money. What Mom didn’t know, was once we got to the drive-in, Sue and her date would put a blanket out on the ground in the parking space next to theirs and buy me candy so I’d lay on the blanket and watch the movie while they ‘watched’ it from the car. It’s a wonder I never got run over! But it was such a different time back then. Can you imagine telling a teenager today they had to take their little sister on their date with them? Ha!

Another thing about my sister was that she had the most beautiful clothes. In particular, I remember a blue lace semi-formal that made her look like a princess. I don’t remember where she wore it, but I do remember how pretty she looked. (I didn’t get to go on that date.) As I got older, sometimes I would get her hand-me-downs. When I was in junior high, Sue gave me a pair of pink Mary-Jane shoes that had thick stacked heels. I loved those shoes and had a dress that matched them perfectly. Unfortunately, as I continued to grow, I couldn’t fit into her size 5 shoes anymore.

Another vivid memory I have is playing hide and go seek with my friends. In the summer, all the kids would play in the street until it got dark. Well, on this summer evening, we were playing and I recognized a car coming down the street as belonging to a boyfriend my sister had just broken up with. To my shock, the boy drove his car right into the back of a car that was parked across the street! When the police came, (a HUGE deal on our street,) the boy said he was driving down our street trying to get a glimpse of my sister. He’d taken his eyes off the road and crashed. Ah, the price of young love.

But there have been times – although very few – where my sister and I were in sync, and totally agreed on something.

One of those times was when the decision was made that Mom’s Alzheimer’s disease had gotten to the point where it was no longer safe for Mom to live by herself. We made arrangements to move Mom to assisted living. We found a place that we both loved, but that still didn’t take away the guilt of moving Mom out of her home. What made it worse was that Mom refused to even discuss having other living arrangements. So, Sue and I formulated a plan where we’d take Mom to a movie and the rest of the family would move Mom’s belongings to her new assisted living facility while we were gone. Instead of taking Mom home, we’d be taking her to her new assisted living home.

On that day, both Sue and I were quite emotional, but couldn’t show it or Mom would wonder what was wrong. It’s one of the few times that Sue and I have been united in purpose and thought. We didn’t like the task at hand, but we knew it was necessary.

The movie we’d taken Mom to see was a highly acclaimed film, but I didn’t care for it. And to my surprise, as the three of us walked out to my car, Sue said, “I didn’t like that movie,“ and then stated her reasons for not liking it. And the reasons she didn’t like the movie were the very causes that the film was being celebrated. But in that particular case, it was as though she’d read my mind. She’d articulated my feelings about the movie perfectly.

Was it the emotion of the day that had us relating? Or…gasp…perhaps we’re more similar than we think.

KMA367

From Cop to Writer – Different But the Same

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One of the things an applicant for the Los Angeles Police Department has to do in the hiring process is to be interviewed.  In my day, there were two police sergeants and a civilian on each interview board, and part of their duty was to determine if a person ‘had the right mindset’ to be an LAPD officer.
I know that one of the first questions I was asked was: Why do you want to be a police officer?  My reply, in part, was about wanting to help people. Not surprisingly, ‘helping people’ is a very common thread in applicant replies to the question, about why a person wants to become a cop.
With my new career of writing stories, if I’d been asked why I wanted to write, my reply would have been: I want to entertain people while giving them a glimpse into the world of the LAPD.
Little did I know that my writing career would achieve the same result as my police career.  Through my writing I’ve touched someone. I’ve helped someone.
I got this letter from a young woman and I was so impacted by her story and her words I asked her if I could share them with you.  She agreed.
The lesson to writers: If you think what you write can’t or doesn’t make a difference…think again.
This is the actual letter by the young woman I’ll call, Miss H…
Reading is by far not my specialty. I’m about three grade levels under my own on reading skills. Sure I can read your average every day children’s book but anything over 100 pages puts my heart in shock. In other words, I don’t read much.  
When I bought my Barnes & Noble Nook Color, I for sure thought, “I just wasted a perfectly good 240 bucks!” 
See this is where I was wrong. I ran across your book, A Dozen Deadly Roses, one day while sitting on my couch listening to the bickering and arguing of my dysfunctional family.  
At first I just skimmed over it then I took a second look. I decided to buy the book and open a page or two to see if it was worth reading. My journey through your book began slow, to slow. Then something caught my eye, Jade.  
Shockingly, we have much in common; a remarkable, strong willed mother, filling her duties as a cop in everyday life. It was everything I dreamt of being.  
I felt a strong connection with her and Donnie. My father is an alcoholic, I knew exactly what Jade was going through.  
Although Jade became a new idol in my world, I felt myself many times screaming at her, “why won’t you tell Mac that he’s the father, why?!” Then I realized it was for the better. It opened my eyes to that you shouldn’t always do the expected but rather do what’s best in that situation for you and others involved.
I also love the fact that you use to be an actual LAPD cop. When I read that about you, my heart skipped a beat. I felt like I had even more of a connection with your book because for once a fiction book wasn’t so fiction anymore. Your book had more life in it; it wasn’t “just a book” anymore. I loved that.  
My desire to be a cop has been a dream of mine for a long time. However, my mom and others like to crush that dream. Jade gave me a lot of courage in reading this book. She showed me that I need to be brave and stand up in what I dream and love. Jade also gave me the strength in my heart that seemed so broken from others. She made a light shine in me like no one has ever done before.  
Reading your book has changed my life.  
I was doubting my future before I read your book; here I had planned my whole high school diploma based on wanting to be a cop, and then it was just gone, like it wasn’t even worth any of the time I gave it. 
I felt lost, like a loser in a big ocean of popular people. 
Jade’s character made me open my eyes and realize that it’s my life and I can do anything I want to do if I believe I can.  
I thank you, Kathy Bennett, for not only changing my mind but showing me a new way of life. 
I will read your book again and enjoy every page turning chase it gives me. I assure you that you book was so worth every minute I put in it.
Kathy here – Needless to say I wrote back to Miss H and we’ve corresponded a few times. I found that when I wrote back to Miss H I’d put on my  ‘police officer’ hat and tried to offer advice, encouragement and compassion.  And you know what?  I was glad to wear that hat again.
Miss H feels I’ve changed her life with my book. Little does she know how much she’s changed mine.
Until next time, 
KMA367

What’d You Do At School Today?

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It’s a horrifying disgusting story that strikes fear in every parent.  And if the original revelation wasn’t bad enough, there was more.  What am I talking about?   A news story that broke last week when a third grade elementary school teacher was arrested for felony child abuse.

What makes this case so despicable are the details.  A film developer at a Southern California CVS store called police when the developer noticed 40 pictures they were processing  allegedly depicted children who were blindfolded and sometimes gagged. The pictures allegedly showed children who had insects (cockroaches) on their faces.  If that wasn’t bad enough, the photos also allegedly revealed children being fed fluid from a plastic spoon or being given a cookie to eat.  The cookies were allegedly covered in a similar-looking fluid.

The investigation revealed the mysterious fluid in the plastic spoon and on the cookie was actually bodily fluids, (semen) allegedly from the teacher.  This teacher taught at the school for over 30 years!  At this time, the investigation has revealed 23 alleged victims ages six to ten covering the period between 2005 and 2010. 

Even for unflappable Los Angeles, this is a highly disturbing story.  But it gets worse.  The teacher accused of these crimes was arrested last Monday.  On last Friday, a second teacher was arrested at the same school for allegedly committing lewd acts with a child.  At this time, it doesn’t appear the two cases are related.  

In the second situation, two students came forward alleging their teacher had fondled them in the classroom.  I saw one news story where one of the girls had allegedly been molested by both teachers. 

So, now you have a little background…which brings me to the true point of my blog today. As parents, it is imperative that you talk to your children about inappropriate behavior by anyone.  Because, sadly, the fact today is that a molester can be anyone.  

Parents, it’s up to you to teach your children about boundaries and about what is acceptable behavior and what is not.  And don’t think just because you’ve talked to your kids once that’s enough.  There are molesters out there who ‘specialize’ in different ages of children, so your child is vulnerable at any age.

I know my mother talked to me on numerous occasions about different dangerous scenarios I might find myself in and how I’d respond.  By bringing up things that might possibly happen to me (and I’m betting her examples were from local news stories) it allowed us to discuss how I could protect myself from such situations and what to do, if despite my best efforts, I was in danger.

While it sounds dark and ominous and like a real kill-joy to time spent with your child, I didn’t view it in that light.  I felt better prepared, when at age 13, a man pulled up next to me and wanted me to get into his car.

You don’t have to spend an hour each day lecturing your kids…but you do need to open that line of communication and get your children to realize there are bad people in the world who may try to prey on them.  How many times do you ask your kids what they did at school today and they say something like: “The same old thing.  Nothin’.”  And, because you’ve got twenty other things on your mind, you’re satisfied with that answer.

Apparently, in the first situation, the teacher had allegedly told the students they were playing a game and many of the kids didn’t think this type of behavior was odd or unusual. Now, imagine this…You pick your child up from school and ask them what they did that day.  They tell you their teacher blindfolded them and gagged them and took pictures of them with bugs on their faces.  Wouldn’t this set off alarm bells in your mind?  You bet it would.  And this is what I’m trying to get you to see.  You’ve got to, not only talk to your children, but engage with them.  Get them to open up – no easy feat, I know.

As a parent, it’s easy to think, My Johnny (or Sally) is too smart to be taken in by some pervert.  Don’t fool yourself!  With the advent of the internet, many of these creeps share information about how and where to find victims.  They discuss what works and what doesn’t.  They also discuss how to get children to not alert their parents of what’s going on. These sickos live and breathe for their next opportunity to victimize a child.  Don’t let it be your child.  Talk to your kids about boundaries.  Let your children know you will believe them if they come to you if they are victimized – no matter who the suspect is.  

I know you’re busy.  I know it’s uncomfortable.  But if you aren’t willing to put in the time with your children, there are plenty of molesters who are.

Until next time…

KMA367 

A New Scam – Fake Grandkids

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The phone rings and you answer it.

“Grandma?  It’s your granddaughter, Cindy.”

Delighted that your teenaged granddaughter who lives out of state is calling, you’re happy to hear from her.  “Hello, Cindy.  How nice to hear from you.”

Cindy’s voice takes on a somber tone.  “Grandma, I’m in trouble.  I went on a school trip in the Caribbean with my friends.  We were goofing around and I had too much too drink.  I got arrested for being drunk in public and now the court says I have to pay a fine of $1000 or they won’t let me out of jail.”

You’re dismayed your sweet little granddaughter was arrested – and for public intoxication!  You wonder why she is calling you.  “Well, dear I think you need to talk to your mother and father about this.  They’ll know what to do.”

“No Grandma!  I can’t tell them about this.  Mom and Dad will kill me, and they’ll never let me go anywhere again.  I was hoping maybe you could wire me the money.  You mustn’t tell anyone – not Mom, Dad and not Grandpa Mark either!  I was hoping it would be our little secret; and I promise; I’ll pay you back every dime.  I’ve got a job at McDonalds, so I can pay you back.”

Poor little Cindy sounds so desperate, and what kid hasn’t gotten into a little trouble?  Besides, you can’t stand to think of your precious granddaughter stuck in some jail.  “Well, I don’t know, dear; I’ve never kept anything from your Grandpa; and that’s a lot of money.”

“Pleeeease Grandma?  It’s really dirty here and the food has bugs in it.”

You sigh.  “Okay Cindy, I don’t like it, but I’ll do it.  What do I have to do?”

Then Cindy gives you very detailed directions on how to wire the $1000 to the court.  “Remember     Grandma,” she warns, “you can’t tell anyone about this!”

 With a heavy heart you follow the directions and wire the money to an unknown location in the       Caribbean.

Congratulations!  You’ve probably just been the victim of one of the latest scams being used against the elderly.

You see, slim-ball crooks have learned that the elderly are easily fooled by a young voice claiming to be the grandchild of the senior citizen…especially when those grandkids live out of state and, most likely, aren’t seen too often in person.

But how do the crooks know whether or not a senior has grandchildren?  We’re giving the information to the bad guys ourselves via the internet.  Many of the larger social networking sites are perfect hunting grounds where criminals can find pictures or search profiles of grandchildren so they know the child’s age and sex.


Phone numbers are easily accessible as well.  Have you ever done a Zabasearch of yourself at Zabasearch.com?  Do like genealogy?  What information do you enter into those sites to round out your family tree?   It’s disturbing to find what kind of information is available about you via the internet to everyone in the world.

The key to this scam is the secrecy element.  The ‘child’ in trouble begs their ‘grandparent’ to not contact their parents or anyone in the family.  Why?  If the grandmother in this scenario contacted Cindy’s parents and said, “I understand Cindy is on a school trip in the Carribbean.”  The whole scam would fall apart because the mother would probably say something like, “What are you talking about?  Cindy is sitting in the family room playing video games on the TV.”

Worse yet, our elderly citizens who DO fall victim of this and other scams often don’t come forward because they’re embarrassed they got swindled.

Knowledge is power.  Talk to the seniors you know.  Tell them this story.  Be sure they understand that the criminal element has figured out that senior citizens are excellent targets for all kinds of scams – and this is just one of them.

Until next time;

KMA367

FIVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW IN YOUR LIFE JOURNEY

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Today’s blog is a little self-indulgent.

I know a young lady who, if she doesn’t get her priorities straight, will find herself years from now wishing she’d done things differently.

I’d already begun a first draft of my blog when I went to the Internet to research something.  I stumbled across a posting that said everything I wanted to say – only better.  So, giving credit where credit is due, I’d like to thank Michael Josephson of the Josephson Institute Center for Youth Ethics.  (For those of you who worry about copyright infringement, Josephson has ‘share’ buttons on his posts, so I think it’s okay I’m posting this valuable information on my blog.)

The neat thing about this information is that it applies to everyone.  Take a look and see if any of these suggestions will help YOU through your journey in life…

THE  JOURNEY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE

One of the toughest jobs in the world is being a teenager. Everything is in transition. Everything is intense — even apathy.

Kids on the brink of adulthood have to cope with inconsistencies and conflicts. The desire to be special and different clashes with the need to belong and fit in. The desire for independence collides with an aversion to self-reliance and personal responsibility.

Here are five suggestions for improving the journey through adolescence:

1. Be yourself.

Mindless conformity is a prison. Express yourself authentically and don’t be afraid to stand out. But don’t dress or behave in extreme ways just to be different or to prove you can. You don’t need orange hair, a nose ring, or tattoos to be special. In the end, it’s more important to be respected than noticed.

2. Don’t expect too much or settle for too little.

Don’t expect anyone else to make you happy, but don’t allow others to treat you badly either. Hang out with people who bring out the best in you, and be the kind of person who brings out the best in others.

3. Responsibility is a privilege, not a penalty.

Dependability and self-reliance are the tickets to freedom and independence. Don’t waste energy resisting what you have to do. Win others’ trust by doing what you should do.

4. Think ahead.

Every act has a consequence. The choices you make today will shape tomorrow. Pleasure lasts for a moment, but happiness lasts much longer. Just because it feels good doesn’t make it good.

5. Take charge of your life.

Your life is your ship. Be the captain, not a passenger. Figure out what needs to be done to improve your life and make it happen. Your attitudes are more important than your aptitudes. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control what happens in you. Don’t whine, win.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

And to the young lady this blog is written for – So many people love you and want to help you.  I hope you find the inner strength to start doing the right thing.

Until next time,

KMA367

I’ll Have One Energy Drink With an Alcohol Chaser

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Warning:  The subject of this blog is rather grim – especially on a Monday, but by educating YOU, I might be helping you to help your child or someone else that you love.

If you’re under the age of 25, you’re probably aware there are energy drinks being sold not only containing caffeine, but alcohol as well.  But, if you’re over the age of 25, you might not know that teenagers and young adults are getting severely drunk off these ‘energy’ drinks, and that ONE canned beverage may pack as much of a wallop as four or FIVE beers!  The caffeine contained in one of these drinks has been reported to be as much as four cups of coffee.  Some of the nicknames the kids have applied to these drinks are ‘blackout in a can’, or ‘liquid cocaine’.  With brand names like, Four Loko, Joose, Tilt, and DNA, it’s no wonder older adults are ‘out of the loop’.

What makes these drinks appealing to young people is they come in various flavors, like fruit punch, blue raspberry, watermelon, or orange.  The beverage cans are decorated in bright lively colors that would appeal to the younger set.   But these alcohol-laden versions of energy drinks contain from 6% – 12% alcohol.  In addition, the beverages are loaded with caffeine and other stimulants.  The result is kids have the ability to drink heavily, but continue to party-hearty, consuming even more alcohol.   Young people who’ve ingested these drinks often wind up in the hospital with symptoms ranging from blackouts, hyper-vigilance, anxiety, heart palpations, mood swings and alcohol poisoning.  There’ve been some victims who, when hospitalized, it was determined their blood alcohol level was .35%.  In contrast, in the state of California, if you’re stopped with a blood alcohol level of .08% or above you’re considered ‘driving drunk.’

With nine students from the state of Washington recently being hospitalized as a result of drinking these ‘pick-me-ups’ at a college party, the backlash against these drinks has been rapid.  In the past few weeks Washington and Michigan have outright banned the drinks from being sold.  New York is asking their distributors to stop providing the beverages.  North Carolina has asked its retailers to take the drinks off the shelves.  I suspect more states will follow suit in one way or another.

If you’re a parent or grandparent, you can’t afford to wait until your kids come to you about the many temptations they’re facing.  Talk to them.  Find out how they’re coping and responding to the barrage of lures they’re facing in their daily lives.  Explain the consequences of binge drinking – because that’s what we’re talking about here.  As scary as it is to try to insert yourself into your child’s social life, it’s a lot less scary than planning their funeral.

If you want to learn more on this subject, use your favorite search engine (Google, Bing, etc.) to research ‘Alcoholic Energy Drinks’.  There are an abundance of articles on the subject – many of them days old.

Until next time,

KMA367