It’s a horrifying disgusting story that strikes fear in every parent. And if the original revelation wasn’t bad enough, there was more. What am I talking about? A news story that broke last week when a third grade elementary school teacher was arrested for felony child abuse.
What makes this case so despicable are the details. A film developer at a Southern California CVS store called police when the developer noticed 40 pictures they were processing allegedly depicted children who were blindfolded and sometimes gagged. The pictures allegedly showed children who had insects (cockroaches) on their faces. If that wasn’t bad enough, the photos also allegedly revealed children being fed fluid from a plastic spoon or being given a cookie to eat. The cookies were allegedly covered in a similar-looking fluid.
The investigation revealed the mysterious fluid in the plastic spoon and on the cookie was actually bodily fluids, (semen) allegedly from the teacher. This teacher taught at the school for over 30 years! At this time, the investigation has revealed 23 alleged victims ages six to ten covering the period between 2005 and 2010.
Even for unflappable Los Angeles, this is a highly disturbing story. But it gets worse. The teacher accused of these crimes was arrested last Monday. On last Friday, a second teacher was arrested at the same school for allegedly committing lewd acts with a child. At this time, it doesn’t appear the two cases are related.
In the second situation, two students came forward alleging their teacher had fondled them in the classroom. I saw one news story where one of the girls had allegedly been molested by both teachers.
So, now you have a little background…which brings me to the true point of my blog today. As parents, it is imperative that you talk to your children about inappropriate behavior by anyone. Because, sadly, the fact today is that a molester can be anyone.
Parents, it’s up to you to teach your children about boundaries and about what is acceptable behavior and what is not. And don’t think just because you’ve talked to your kids once that’s enough. There are molesters out there who ‘specialize’ in different ages of children, so your child is vulnerable at any age.
I know my mother talked to me on numerous occasions about different dangerous scenarios I might find myself in and how I’d respond. By bringing up things that might possibly happen to me (and I’m betting her examples were from local news stories) it allowed us to discuss how I could protect myself from such situations and what to do, if despite my best efforts, I was in danger.
While it sounds dark and ominous and like a real kill-joy to time spent with your child, I didn’t view it in that light. I felt better prepared, when at age 13, a man pulled up next to me and wanted me to get into his car.
You don’t have to spend an hour each day lecturing your kids…but you do need to open that line of communication and get your children to realize there are bad people in the world who may try to prey on them. How many times do you ask your kids what they did at school today and they say something like: “The same old thing. Nothin’.” And, because you’ve got twenty other things on your mind, you’re satisfied with that answer.
Apparently, in the first situation, the teacher had allegedly told the students they were playing a game and many of the kids didn’t think this type of behavior was odd or unusual. Now, imagine this…You pick your child up from school and ask them what they did that day. They tell you their teacher blindfolded them and gagged them and took pictures of them with bugs on their faces. Wouldn’t this set off alarm bells in your mind? You bet it would. And this is what I’m trying to get you to see. You’ve got to, not only talk to your children, but engage with them. Get them to open up – no easy feat, I know.
As a parent, it’s easy to think, My Johnny (or Sally) is too smart to be taken in by some pervert. Don’t fool yourself! With the advent of the internet, many of these creeps share information about how and where to find victims. They discuss what works and what doesn’t. They also discuss how to get children to not alert their parents of what’s going on. These sickos live and breathe for their next opportunity to victimize a child. Don’t let it be your child. Talk to your kids about boundaries. Let your children know you will believe them if they come to you if they are victimized – no matter who the suspect is.
I know you’re busy. I know it’s uncomfortable. But if you aren’t willing to put in the time with your children, there are plenty of molesters who are.
Until next time…
KMA367
Chilling blog, Kathy. It makes my sick to think there are people who prey on children. I don’t know if it’s worse now than when I was child, but there seem to be many, many more perverted criminals out there than there used to be. Or maybe it’s a symptom of over population. It makes me glad to be old. But then I worry about my grandson…
L. j. Charles
heavens! how horrific.
thanks for bringing ti our attention
Absolutely agree. Communication is key. Most molesters are someone the child knows and trusts. The only way to protect a child is to give them explicit guidelines for appropriate behavior.
My son is only 3, but ever since the Penn State story broke a few months ago, I’ve been extremely pro-active about finding resources online for helping me give my son the tools he’ll need to protect himself as he grows up – without scaring him to death. A lot of it seems focused on building his confidence in himself, teaching him to identify and obey his instincts, and letting him know that his father and I are here to stand up for him and listen to him no matter what. We’re starting small, with allowing him to dictate whom he hugs and kisses, and when, and forcing the adults in his life – even his grandparents – to respect that, even when it hurts their feelings. I’d rather my adult father cope with a moment of rejection, if it means my sons grows up knowing that it is OK to say “No!” to grown-ups.
Good for you, Meredith. It was considered a mark of good manners for children to obey their parents when told to “Give Auntie a kiss.” I used to say flatly to the parents that children should not have to hug or kiss anyone unless they wanted to. It would be nice if little Susie or Johnny wanted to give Auntie a kiss, but if Susie or Johnny only see Auntie once or twice a year, why should they want to?
Better not to train kids to accept demands for this kind of invasions of their privacy and their sovereignty.
They can have good manners and maintain their own dignity–their boundaries, as you call it.
Kathy–thank you so much for bringing this up.
Great post, Kathy! My girls are grown – one still a grad student, and I still talk to them about the dangers they face as young women on their own. Maybe they get tired of hearing it from their mother, but I feel better knowing that I put that seed of awareness in their heads. So next time they’re out partying, maybe, just maybe, they’ll remember what I said, and be safer for it.
Hi L.j!
Welcome back!
I think the frequency in which we hear these things is a combination of reasons. First, the communication is so much faster and more vast than when we were growing up. Second, as each atrocity is revealed, we as a society become a little more hardened and are less easily shocked.
I mean’t to put in a line that this blog was vital for grandparents too. Darn!
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
Hi Liz!
Welcome back!
It is horrible. It was a disgusting story when it was just one teacher being arrested. With two teachers behind bars it’s downright scary!
Thanks for visiting and I hope you’ll come again.
Hi Robena!
Welcome back!
Your version is much more succinct than mine! That’s probably why one of my teachers named me Chatty Kathy. Perhaps I need you as a ghost writer?
Thanks for taking the time comment and visit today.
Hi Meredith!
Welcome!
You make excellent points and I think you are very wise to empower your son to make his own choices about his personal space and kisses and hugs.
There is nothing worse than seeing a child being ‘forced’ by his/her parents to hug someone they don’t feel comfortable hugging.
Which brings up a different question…
How does this subject relate to a child getting a picture taken with Santa or the Easter Bunny if they don’t want to? We’ve all seen the pictures of screaming kids on Santa’s knee. Is there a difference?
Thanks for visiting today and I hope you’ll come back and leave other comments. Sounds like you’re laying a good foundation for a confident boy.
Hi Roz!
Welcome back!
My daughter is not still out in the dating world. But I do have a young teenaged granddaughter to worry about. And I do.
My daughter has good communication with my granddaughter, but has recently agreed to let me tell my beautiful granddaughter some of the things I’ve seen and mention some ways to stay out of trouble.
My granddaughter in just the last week or so has made some marvelous choices, so I know she’s listening to her mom and dad.
Thanks for stopping by and letting us know that it’s a good idea to talk to older kids too!
Oh, I remember the days when a parent could drop a child off at school and know that they were safe until you picked them up later. The school was always a “safe’ haven. At least that’s how it was, back in the day. It’s a sickening reality, we now have to alert our innocent children about the bad people, and keep them on the alert about such things at such an early age.
This makes me just sick. My boys are older now, but I still talk to them about *everything* – every scenario, every possibility. Although sometimes hard, it’s crucial to talk to your kids about topics that we wish we didn’t have to. Thanks for giving us your perspective on things – it means a lot!
This is truly a sickening story. I have boys, so asking them what they did on any given day in school gets the standard, “nothing” response. So I’ve learned to be detailed and that takes knowing what’s going on in school – how was the Spanish quiz or did Mrs. A. collect the essays yets, did so-and-so get in trouble for mouthing off – whatever. You have to keep the dialogue going. And even now that my boys are teens and bigger than I am, we discuss issues like the Penn State molestations and I tell them if any grown man ever tries to touch them inappropriately, they have my permssion to go whip a$$ on them. Great book for anyone to read is “The Gift of Fear”; teaches us that it’s OK to use our instincts instead of politeness in any situation.
Hi Charlene!
Welcome back!
I know…we’ve lost our innocence as a society. It’s just not the schools though. It’s any profession – sadly, even law enforcement.
I wish someone would learn how to put the genie back in the bottle!
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Hi Robin!
Welcome back!
That’s wonderful. This blog wasn’t necessary for you. But I see so many parents who are embarrassed or worse, too busy, to take the time to talk to their kids.
Thank you for stopping by again and leaving a comment.
Hi Carol!
Welcome back!
Thanks for the heads up on the book. I’m going to check it out.
I am a huge proponent of the TV show, What Would You Do because it highlights just what you are talking about. Getting involved when your instincts tell you something is wrong. You have to trust your instincts. But it’s so important for parents to tell their kids it’s OKAY to trust their instincts.
Thanks for visiting today and leaving a comment.
This was a great blog. I know my daughter talks to her kids everyday. And as a very involved grandma, so do I.
As a kid growing up, and having a mother as a police officer, I heard scenarios almost on a weekly basis. As I got older, I would do what any teenager would do, roll my eyes and say, “Yeah, I know mom.” But mom’s lectures and knowledge that she passed onto me made me more aware of the world around me, and what was going on within that world.
Today, I believe the world is definitely worse off now than it was when I was growing up (and it was pretty bad back then). And I believe my daughter will one day be saying the same thing as a mother herself. The one thing I am grateful for is that my mother did continue to talk to me about the potential dangers of the world, even when I would try and shrug her off because I thought I knew everything already. But still, she kept at it. And I thank her for that.
In one of her replies to a comment, Mom mentions that I’m going to let her talk to my daughter about such dangers. Why wouldn’t I? I think it’s important to let my daughter hear the same information in a different way from another person that I know and trust. Maybe something that didn’t stick when I mentioned it before, will stick with my daughter because my mom explained it in a different light.
Hi Janie!
Welcome back!
Sounds like I’m preaching to the choir here. On the other hand, the message can’t be stated enough, can it?
Thanks for taking time to stop by and comment! Come again!
Hi Jaimie!
Welcome back!
Folks, can you see why I love my daughter so? Beautiful, intelligent AND she can write!
Let’s get our young lady penciled in on my calendar.
Thanks for stopping by and doing me proud! Smooch!
We had a similar case in Fresno break–the teacher was playing “lollipop” with blindfolded students, you can guess what the lollipop was.
It wasn’t perfect back in the “old days” either. My kids have told me stories about teachers that I respected. My son told me about his 2nd grade teacher who had inappropriate behavior with the boys (of course he didn’t tell me until he grew up.)
I’ve heard other tales too, it’s really always been a problem. There have always been perverts out the. But…back when I was a mommy of young kids, I dropped into the classroom a lot–nowadays mom’s work and don’t have that opportunity. But if the principal went around and looked into classrooms a lot of this wouldn’t happen.
Great post, Kathy.
The scariest part for me is how children choose not to tell their parents, even when their instincts tell them something is wrong. I remember that feeling from my pre-teen years–I was a smart enough kid, mature for my age and my instincts were good. I was a fighter too, and stood up for myself against bullying girls and boys. But there were things I didn’t understand and chose to shrug them off rather than discuss them with an adult.
In Junior High I had a teacher who made no effort to hide his preference for big-breasted girls. As we filed into his classroom, these girls were singled out and told to sit in the front row. He was very vocal about why they were sitting there. His behavior was well known amongst the students. And no one did a thing. I think he taught Social Studies, but frankly all I remember from his classroom was how embarrassed I felt for those girls, how wrong it felt. I knew it was wrong at the time, and yet I said nothing.
I think his boldness and the fact that it had gone on for so long sent a message to us kids that his behavior, uncomfortable as it was, was somehow acceptable. That a complaint would go no where. The other teachers must know, right? Some people thought it was amusing, some people didn’t. Speaking up wouldn’t change anything.
I think we will stand up for ourselves and fight to defend ourselves against all kinds of injustices, but when there is a sexual element, people falter. Keeping an open dialogue about sexuality at different ages and stages is important too.
Hi Marilyn!
Welcome!
You know, you make a very good point about the mothers in the classroom. Wouldn’t that be awkward for a molester…have a parent walk in on your perversion.
I know there is talk that schools should start putting cameras in the classroom. While in theory it sounds like a good idea, there is nothing that is going to be full-proof.
In the incidents I cited, it’s been reported that one of the teachers actually stayed after the regular school session to ‘help’ with the after-school program held at the school.
Thank you for visiting and leaving a comment. I hope to see you again here.
Hi Felice!
Welcome!
Wow, that teacher sounds like a real slime ball. You don’t say how long ago this was, but back in the 50′s and 60′s I can picture this happening without too much fuss. I think after the 1970′s and the women’s movement and the beginning of political correctness some of this awful behavior began to subside.
I know that when I began with the LAPD in the early 70′s things were A LOT different than they are now. I knew I was working in a male-dominated profession, and I was prepared to deal with it…even at a young age. However, many of the antics that went on back then would never be tolerated now.
Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your experiences. I hope you’ll stop by again.